The Stone Institute

Abandonment

As I journeyed home,
I could feel the absence of her heart.
Many lifetimes have passed without her.
It seemed as only yesterday we held each other tightly.
As we entwined in a lovers’ embrace,
We did not know the boundaries of our own flesh.
As the dawn approached, clouds blocked the arrival of the sun.
Nature’s vitality was covered by the Shadow of loss.
I remember the kindness of her touch.
My loneliness disappeared.
I felt safe.
It seems as if I lived in almost another generation.
During that time, I walked aimlessly in the forest of fear.
I thought I would loose the True Love I never owned.
Fallen spirits surrounded me as they danced in the cold desperate winds.
I felt the suffering of each guardian entrusted to shepherd my Soul.
Their own spiritless excursion infected my knowing.
My true self remained secluded.
I did not wish to Know me.
The weakness of an unfolding seedling gives way to harsh judgment.
As the sun left the skies,
Mystical demons pushed dull gray images into my consciousness.
Suffering, I beseeched God to send an Angel.
Through the swampy weald a single ray of light appeared.
There was silence in this desolate and ancient place.
An Angel with Golden Wings flew through the dense haze.
I could not see the Palace of Unconditional Love.
Her smile took me above the trees.
Her hand guided me beyond the thick black star-less vapor.
Blue skies flowed from the Moon.
There was no beginning or end.
I shed my cold lifeless skin.
My heart ached with each healing streak of Hope.
I found peace.
As a single seed grows in fertile soil,
I began to watch my Earthbound expanse unfold.
Emotional waters flowed from those who loved me.
Tears nourished my conscious vessel as the colors in my vision changed.
Moonbeams welded together my deep spiritual chasms.
My longing for my Soul faded as the scars gained strength.
The Divine and the Angel were not the same.
She came to avenge the darkness with the light.
The light did not belong to her.
Her Spirit was of the Collective Giver.
To whom do I belong?
Abandonment by anyone’s only True Love hurts forever.
Our roots of existence are fixed in this endless bedrock of suffering.
Anyone who penetrates through the outer crust cannot separate from it,
Even while basking in the illusion of Love.
The eternal Hope of returning to
Where one belongs fuels the painful journey of another day.
As the Angel returned me to myself,
I found a bridge over the hole in my heart.
As I stood upon it, I looked down.
I saw the reflection of another time.
When I did not know the suffering of the future?
I danced naked in the evening in the warm summer breeze,
And made love to a beautiful woman who really existed.
I knew myself and the woman who danced with me.
As I journeyed home, I could feel the absence of her heart.
The Truth of her love is now so very clear.
She left to return to her safe sacred space deep within my mind.

Kevin S. “Kiki” Merigian © 2003

Posted by Kevin Merigian at 10:00 AM
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